June was a mess, hence no post. I won’t even go into it. Suffice it to say, I’ve never been more scared in my life, but I think I learned to be braver, and David did too.
I got a diagnosis this month, MSK disease—medullary sponge kidney disease. And it only took 13 years to figure out. Basically, my kidneys make twice as many stones as the average patient. I’ve been trying to control it with medication but there really is no cure. That feels heavy to say.
I’ve been reading Bukowski lately. And all I can think about is the modest mouse lyric—Yeah I know he’s a pretty good read, but god who’d want to be such an asshole. And I get it. Some of it really speaks to my soul though. Some of it doesn’t feel right in 2024, doesn’t age well. But I don’t think he gave a fuck about that.
After we eat
Lets sleep, lets sleep
We can’t make any money
Awake
Money is hard. I’m in my “hater era” as my sister would say. And I’ve been resenting anyone who has any. David and I make it work but I see the gap growing larger and larger.
“They want to make the rich poorer, and the poor more comfortable” Yeah, that’s a quote
Why is that not the goal? I can’t imagine living 40 more years on the losing side of this fucked up opinion.
I’ve got a job interview tomorrow. I got back and forth between scared and collected. It’s been almost 5 years since I’ve had a steady job, or even the opportunity to have one. I told myself I wouldn’t even look this year since last year was a disaster. I don’t know, wish me luck.
