I’ve had so many thoughts lately I’ve wanted to write about but depression kinda puts it by the wayside. Trust gay morals to get me typing. I could go on and on but basically gay people are the best. Period.
I’m watching and seeing a woman who doesn’t feel beautiful. She had her reasons and it had been a while but she could pin-point it. It got me thinking—when was the last time I thought I was beautiful? The truth is, I can’t remember, as far as I know I never did.
Years ago I went with all the women in my family on a little trip, which led to a very nice restaurant. The host was a man who insisted he take a picture of such “beautiful” ladies. Three generations in one picture! Then the host asked for just the girls. Me, my sister, and my cousins. In that next second, the man asked me to step aside. He meant just the other three girls. What it boils down to is that this man felt that I was not as attractive as my sister and two cousins. Not blonde, not blue eyes, not skinny or tall.
I see pictures of myself of 15 years ago and you know what, there were times that I was beautiful…freakin beautiful. But I didn’t know it. All I knew was that I was that I wasn’t as attractive as everyone else. And well…I feel even worse about myself than I have in a looooong time.
Why am I a piece of shit? I have no idea. What can I do about it? I have no idea.
Women who don’t look like models…what do we do? Having amazing gay friends giving confidence is priceless. But well, I’d rather be able to think I’m beautiful on my own and without being coerced. I just turned 34 and I’m not sure what to do about it. Happy 34 I guess.