Whenever I eat candy, I usually give some to my dog. Now I know people will say that’s bad. Sure, okay, maybe, BUT how else will he taste something so insane to his senses? I admit my reasoning for many things in my life can be like not conventional…but it makes sense to me. Like if I don’t touch the things in the museum even though it says don’t…well what if it never gets touched again? Why can’t I get to feel something that is hundreds of years old. That was made by masters that have died so long ago. I think I’m just trying to share experiences. I literally just thought of this so I don’t have an answer to why yet.

I said a mean thing to my mom the other day, about Christianity, she left the table. My sister was badgering me to apologize but I didn’t want to. So I didn’t.

An old friend of mine died in a car accident yesterday.

I lost a close friend tragically to cancer, wow, almost ten years now. Ever since then, death and I have been on shaky ground. Shocker—I can be insensitive at times because I’m sort of just fine with me dieing. You don’t go through years of bad depression and not concede to the idea of death. But other people, the ones I truly care about, it makes me shut down. And not in a dramatic way but in a safety mode way. My brain panics and just says: SHUT IT OFF. No feelings are good feelings. But death is so finial you can’t trick it. Not long-term anyway. We’re all just 35 right now. Just beginning the part of life where things are all in the same atom, all doable, all conceivable. But to get taken away all of the sudden…my brain cant compute.

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