So the movie Ladybird, I watched it way after it was released. Not that I didn’t think it looked interesting just not enough for me to pay for the theater…there has to be like violence and intrigue to get my money. Anyway, so I rented it at home finally. Everything I’d seen about interviews and such kept saying—you will want to call your mom after it’s sooooo good.


So I’m not a genius but I get it, I get what those people are referring to and how their lives with their mothers must have been. I saw it in the way my sister acted with my mother when we were young, very phone-callesq.


When I was young I was scared. I had a very angry father and my mother cried what seemed like perpetually but I admit I keep the saddest parts of my memory closer. As a child I never fought with my mother. I allowed her to dress me in what made her happy even though I would be ridiculed at school. I stayed quiet and meek and a moldable clay to give her something—some sense of happiness was my thinking. I knew from a very young age that saying “I hate you” was just about the worst thing you could do to a parent…I never once said it. Ladybird was the farthest thing from my young reality.


I can’t say what those character’s adult relationship would be but I prefer to remain distant from my family in general. Do I think if I would have fought and stood up for myself we would be closer? I have no idea. What I do know is that I wasn’t watching myself like the reviews and people said I would. I don’t think I did adolescence correctly. I think I did it to save someone else and then fucked up myself. I’m not a martyr but I’m not a family person…idk…fuck Ladybird.

*Image by Brooke Shaden

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