Dull as all-get-out

Today I googled: How to respond to “How are you?”

I decided to go with—I’m doing fine. Then I got a smiley face in return so I guess I picked the right one.

It’s not that I want to be a nihilist, it just happened after years of confusion and realization. It’s not fun, it’s not to use a cool label and dress in black (though it is an easy go-to color and we all know it). I’m sure my depression plays into it but I think logically I would arrive at the same conclusion anyway. So I’m not entirely sure why I desire to accomplish things. My therapist says they’re not impossible but I can’t help but compare myself to the people who have.

For a while I thought I’d start living according to some thoughts an athlete said: Just become obsessed with what you want. Tell yourself you’re the best in the whole world at it and just keep going every day at it. He then lost his mind and took a crowd barrier and tried to attack a bus with it and got arrested.

I think nihilists want every fictional place to be real. Narnia, Middle Earth, Hogwarts, etc. It’s easier to believe that life would have a more interesting purpose there. I think we get mistaken for “dreamers”. It’s really just the fact that most of us will live about 90 years without doing much. So how do I be okay with not being much?