I’ve been feeling this way for a while now so just hear me out.

So things seems kinda shitty sometimes in the world, and that’s just the world, there will always be something shitty going on. But there is also so much progress. I am proud of my generation in so many ways, especially with the LGBTQ community and even racial lines. If you don’t think black people are being able to shine go look at pictures from the Met Gala! (look up Met and Gala if you don’t know what I’m talking about)

So me:

I’m white, straight, Midwestern, grew up and continued to live comfortably (white people talk for $), college educated, childfree, and atheist.

Now some of these things I have consciously chosen to do. I don’t have a group of “mom-friends” because I don’t want children. But then it’s like, hey I didn’t choose to be white…the least of all exciting races. I’m just going to come out with it—I’m sad. I’ve got no “tribe”, no “club”, no ethnicity to celebrate. I don’t have legions of religious cohorts behind me, to hug me, to meet up with once a week for dinner and games and reading out of a book that’s shitty.

This is not a plea for like why me, oh poor me. I’ve got all the things in life that make me not persecuted. Yes I am a female, which is fire right now, but It never occurred to me I was less than a man, I never played any games which means I never took shit but for all I know I missed opportunities a more aware woman might have taken. So yeah, I’ve had it pretty easy. And as I watch society change, it’s not lost on me that it’s no longer the time of  “my people”. Which makes me very sad…and lonely. Because I wish I could be something else. People might say, you’re so ignorant or stupid, you should be glad you missed what I had to endure. Okay, fair, that doesn’t mean I would be less fulfilled with my Korean family and grocery store and traditional foods. What if I could have had a bunch of lesbian/gay bars to go to, a parade, building Ikea furniture.  

Yes, it is everyone else’s turn. And I’m guessing the rest of my life will be spent shrinking and shrinking. I didn’t make the sins of my people, but on this big planet I suppose I’ll pay for them.  Oh how I’d love to be anything else, but I’m not. I’m just all those things I said a couple paragraphs up.  Just a lonely one of those.

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