Crush on Mike
The first boy I ever had a crush on died last year. I feel bad because I didn’t know until a few weeks ago. We were of course friends on Facebook. Unfortunately he perpetually posted insane conspiracy theories and...
What Alexa Said
I do believe I will be adding to my unemployment category very soon. My store is closing, and it’s a weird sensation. You’re not fired, and you’re not quitting, someone just decided that the rug you’ve been sitting...
Dull as all-get-out
Today I googled: How to respond to “How are you?” I decided to go with—I’m doing fine. Then I got a smiley face in return so I guess I picked the right one. It’s not that I want to be a nihilist, it...
Yikes Fire!
The longer you hold a torch for someone the more likely you are to get burned or get accused of being a modern-day white supremacist. For years now I thought I’d never get over my first love. He said...
Broad City
Pretty sure no one reads this god damn thing so I’m gonna write some shit yo. Ahhhhh RuPaul is on Broad City!!!! Broad City + RPDR is like fucking delicious. And Illiana is talking to a piece of foil...
Quality Time
In what I know to be an attempt at a delusion to distract from my lack of success, I have taken up skateboarding. That’s right. And boy did I fucking fall. I was alone but I know it was the hilarious kind,...
What’s the Point in Talking to People?
Social media has made the world a much smaller place. At this moment I’m twitching with anger and want to yell fuck really loud. I joined a little group through an app for people whom I intended to have...