I’m going to the ER tomorrow. Second time this week. I have an 8.2 mil kidney stone. It won’t pass on its own. I will need surgery.

Um, gosh, there are so many emotions I’m not sure I can express them all. I’ve gone through this procedure multiple times now. And it’s harder to handle when it’s done at the hospital. I go to a dark place. My life changes drastically for the next few weeks. I’ll be laying in bed, questioning everything. Questioning the point of life. With a chronic illness you have plenty of time to question life. And why you are living the one you have.

People, dogs, I try to make them enough. But when you’re alone in the middle of the night in a hospital bed…it’s tough. A lot of waiting. A lot of wishing.

I cried my eyes out at my GP office yesterday. And if you know me at all you know I don’t cry. Not because I don’t want to, because my medicine for my depression etc. makes it physically near impossible. Losing it in public just doesn’t happen. But it did. And it felt good.

I’m sure I will give an update in a little while. Not much else to say really. I just have to get ready to fight the darkness.

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